Iridescent

Exams over, at home, sister back from NZ… what could possibly be better?

So… exams are finally over. Now all that’s left is to pray and wait for the results. More than anything i hope that all of us, batch 27 of RPKJ will all go together to Japan. More than anything.

Being at home is great. Plus there isn’t much homework. Even if there was any i would procrastinate till the last day anyway, haha. But i can’t this time. Because this time my homework is researching for this project work which i’m doing with 3 other people, as a team, so i definitely can’t slack off. But i dunno.. i still don’t feel like doing anything serious yet. My brain still wants to stay in play mode.

Plus i’ve suddenly fallen in love with super junior. I know, i always hear people say ‘how do you like a band with 13 members in it?!’ and ‘They’re a boy band!’ and also that from the beginning i’ve told myself not to get caught in the korea entertainment web which has been spreading like crazy lately. But in the end, i got caught. And caught pretty bad too. It all started since after EJU. I was feeling seriously down and i had a headache. Most of my friends went out to the mall, or somewhere. But i decided to just do nothing in my room. But doing nothing didn’t help with the stress i felt at that time. Yeah, EJU was over but i was still stressed and depressed. So i decided to finally watch the super junior cd my friend had given me since the year before.

I started with Explorers of The Human Body… and i laughed. A lot. They are too hilarious. Too silly. Too funny. And yet.. sometimes they are cool. They do have good songs… they are good at dancing. But the part i loved the most about them was that they made me laugh. And since then i just couldn’t get enough of them. Watching their music videos, live shows, interviews, short cuts from videos… And i realized it’s not hard at all to remember all 13 names. In fact, i want super junior to stay 13 forever. I like all 13 of them because they all have their own personality and interesting side. But out of the 13 i do have a favorite. The most adorable, quite silly, good dancer, good singer in the group. Yay!

Oh, i’m seriously caught in this.. i don’t think i’ll be able get out. And as a person-who-easily-gets-obsessed that i am, i’ll spend hours downloading stuff and many more hours watching the stuff i downloaded. But, whatever. It helps keep my mind off other sad stuff. Well, as long as it makes happy… Besides, its not like i have anything like exams to worry about, haha..

But there’s something i’m really sad about. My friends are going for karaoke next week but i won’t be able to join them because my flight back is a little later. I’ve been waiting for the day to go for karaoke since .. a really long time! Agh… i’m so disappointed…

Ok, so that this post won’t end sadly, let’s add a good thing. My house! There’s a treadmill! and some other exercising stuff… and the kitchen has been renovated, and new furniture… wow … and yay!

Now that i’m free maybe i’ll update more. Maybe.

I learn new stuff everyday …

Today was my first time getting directly scolded in Japanese. Ok, maybe not the first. I get scolded a lot. But this time it really got to me.
Really left something in me. Which is why i’m blogging about this now.

It was a simple sentence, really. All she said was ‘Hito no hanashi wo chanto kike yo!’ Meaning something like ‘listen properly to what people say!’ Ok, maybe it doesn’t sound as mad as its supposed to, but she did seem seriously mad, annoyed. And that sentence will probably haunt me for the rest of my life.

Maybe it was the way she said it. Maybe it  was because she said it in japanese and i could only interpret it negatively. Like for me, getting mad at someone in BM and in english are two totally different situations. When i get mad in BM it’s still something laughable, and i’m not really pissed off. but when i get mad in English, it’s pure anger. All the mean words, hurtful sarcasm and hurtful tones come out. Which is why i avoid getting mad in English at all costs, i just become so mean and hateful.

Back to what happened today…

She said that, and I couldn’t say anything to defend myself or anything to comfort myself. I couldn’t choose to not feel hurt. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so hurtful if it weren’t so true. I do forget a lot of stuff about my friends. Even birthdays, if i don’t put a reminder in my phone i would totally forget. When people speak to me, i do listen, try my best to listen, though my thoughts do accidentally wander off by itself, i do listen and respond. But my brain doesn’t store the information properly. It just leaves it floating around in my brain then the information just disappears or or gets mixed up with something else. Which is why i suck so bad at remembering little details about people. Horrible, right? But i hope it doesn’t make me less of a friend, because eventhough i don’t know your birthplace or your family member’s name or your favourite colour, i do think of you as my truly important friend.

But the fact is, everytime i forget, people do feel mad and disappointed. I know, because i do too sometimes. But i also know how it feels to be on the person who forgot’s side. I think i know that side better… So i don’t let it get to me so much. But I realize it’s not so for other people. I can’t expect to be forgiven everytime i make a friend feel less important, and apologizing doesn’t promise i’ll remember the next time. So there’s no absolute solution for this problem… I’ll just have to try harder to remember, pay attention. Or write it down somewhere.

Gah, why am i being so touchy these days?!

i met a good person today

Couldn’t help myself. Just had to blog. Need… to… rant… here… now!

Ok, i went for medical check up today. I didn’t know medical check ups could be so painful. What i’m talking about is, today, insted of once, i was injected three times for my blood test. The 1st time the nurse missed my vein, then the 2nd time, she didn’t extract enough blood. Thank God things went well the 3rd time. The 1st and 2nd time was painful enough. I realized how much i hate needles. Though other people may think of it as nothing, just a tiny itty bitty needle going ‘poke’ into your skin, to me, that second it penetrates my skin, it hurts so much. And the whole time i have to wait for my blood to get sucked out feels like such a long time. It’s like i can feel the needle the whole time its stuck there, on my skin. I hate injections.

But the day wasn’t all bad. The nurses were nice and gentle. The doctor was the best, though. First when i came in the room she asked ‘Is this for a course or are you applying for a job?’ And i said ‘um, for a course’ Then she suddenly said ‘You’re going to Japan? what program are you taking?’ ‘Er.. Um.. Engineering’ I sort of hesitated each time i answered because i felt like this was some kind of serious interview session. Especially when she asked ‘Why Japan? Why do you choose Japan to continue your studies? why not somewehere else?’ I was really lost for words and just went ‘Um, er.. well..’

Then she said ‘Ok, listen. First, if you want to go to Japan, you can’t be like this. You can’t be timid and quiet like this. You have to be sharp and forth thinking. When a person asks you a question, you have to be sharp and quick. When someones asks you, by the time he’s thought of the second question, but you’re still thinking of the answer for the first question… you can’t be like that’

I was… ‘wah’ And i suddenly sat up straight like i was getting a scolding, haha. But it wasn’t a scolding at all. There was something about her words, the way she spoke to me, that felt so… meaningful. She spoke to me like she was my personal counselor or something…

Then she continued telling me to be more confident, more sharp with my answers, to have my own opinion. She told me based on her experience, she said she knew these type of people, and to work with them, to be accepted by them, you have to work like this. Or else you’ll get washed up, forgotten, replaced. And more advice on how to survive and succeed.

Yeah, she really said all that to me. I just went nod! nod! ‘ok. ok.’ Didn’t know how else to react. I was confused why this stranger was being so… nice. Giving me such eye-opening advice. Confused, and very grateful. Grateful for her advice. She wasn’t afraid to tell me all that. That split second she could tell what my biggest weakness was and gave me the right advice to fix it. I’ll never forget her words, ever. And i will do my best to follow it. At my own pace though. It’s impossible to become as confident and amazing as her overnight, but that’s what i’ll aim for.

Hello cuti!

yay holidays! suka suka suka cuti~!

ok, i’m done. Actually, i’m currently not feeling very enthusiastic. Just wanted this entry to start happily. I don’t know… i just have this feeling that this holiday would be dull like my previous holidays. At home, eat, sleep, tv … oh yeah, and homework. Lots of it.

Agh, it’s getting hard for me to form sentences in english… the words won’t come out. This must be because i haven’t been writing or speaking in english in a long time. I won’t give up! Must keep… blogging here!

Turning silent… again

I feel like since i became a 2nd year i haven’t been speaking much. Or feeling much. All I feel is this exhaustion and boredom inside me all day long. All day, i wait for that 10 minute break, wait for the clock to strike 5.50. Wait for the day to end and for tomorrow to start where hopefully something interesting happens. And at the same time do my best to survive that day and brace myself for tomorrow.

I’m doing the same thing i did when i was in form 5. Everyday just studying myself sick (not reallyla..) and not really paying attention to my surroundings. To the things that could make me happy. Things other than telling my parents about my results, though i admit that does make me happy. It wasn’t that i didn’t have any friends or anything. It’s just that, most of the time in form 5 i just watched people, listened, quiet. Didn’t talk much.

I wish at that time i had my own opinion, my own thoughts. Then i could speak. I could say and be involved. Have fulfilling conversations. Build my own self-esteem, have my own ground, have my own confident voice which is always sure what’s its saying and doesn’t mumble or whisper or shake. Agh, i hate it when my voice shakes. But it’s totally my own fault my voice shakes. It’s not used to being heard.

My moods been .. um.. kinda down lately. With tsuishi (resit test for failing) and my terrible physics marks… That really got me down that Friday. And right before holidays too! After that all i felt like doing was to study physics more till i cried. And i tried telling myself what i always told myself when i failed a test. Failing is important for success.. But that didn’t get my mood up either. That night i went out with Pija-chan and Ein and Lysa and i probably owe them all an apology for being so glum and quiet. I think i didn’t turn grumpy. But if it seemed like i did, then i’m sorry. It’s just that i turn to silence when i’m sad. My lips get heavy. My mouth seals shut. No words form. I don’t wanna talk about it, because in the end its my own struggle and i have to find my own way.

Sometimes i feel like it’s so wrong being so quiet. I don’t wanna be quiet. I don’t wanna feel emotionless. I want my emotions to be able to express themselves naturally. I wanna say what i wanna say. I wanna chat with everyone and have real memories, have people i’ll remember. I wanna lighten up.

But i don’t know how. I think when i was little i had that ability. My mom said eventho i was only 5 i could easily chat with the lady next door. I talked a lot. And i wasn’t exactly the quiet person in primary school either. But some things happened in between those times and now that made me decide to change. Decide that maybe the all cheery and emotional and talkative personality isn’t for me. So i just suddenly, at some point didn’t turn out like what my childhood reflected i would turn out.

Sad. Sometimes i think my life could’ve turned out much brighter and fulfilling if i hadn’t made that decision. I changed and now i can’t change back. I’m starting to get used to being quiet. I’m starting to both hate and like silence. Because in silence i feel calm. But in silence i also feel loneliness.

I talked to my sis just now. I miss her. But she sorta shouted at me saying we’re really the same. But i don’t understand what she meant by that. I still think we’re different. But its good that we are. It balances the family. Quiet and talkative. Glum and bright. Black and pink. Huhu.. why do i have to be on the dark side…

Speech contest

When sensei announced about the speech contest i did think of entering. I remembered telling Toda-sensei and Tanii-sensei i’d enter when i was a 2nd year. I even started thinking about a topic. But then i got a fever, and i lost my voice for a while, so the thought just disappeared.

But now when i think about it, eventho entering the speech contest would be really great for me (a chance for me to speak japanese freely, about what i what, chance for me to face my fears, chance for me to gain a precious memory, to gain experience) I don’t think i’m ready for it. By now i should be able to judge my own level and know what i’m ready and not ready for. And now, i’m sure i’m not ready for this. I have to start step by step. First be able to speak calmly in a group, then in front of a class, then only in front of the whole batch. So now i’m still working on the first step, flying over to the 3rd step would probably leave traumatic consequences rather than happy memories…

But i do wish my friends who entered the speech contest good luck!!

Latest update!

Well hellooo, blog! long time no see. I missed blogging.

Hm, so many things have happened, i dunno where to start… There were times when i was about to go to sleep or when i was ironing my clothes and i thought about something and go ‘I should write that in my blog!’ but since the wireless on my laptop simply doesn’t work, that doesn’t happen. But, i’ll try to recall as much as possible. Um, let’s see…

AAJ Life

ok, so we’re going to be sempais soon and i’ve been in AAJ for a year now. When i first got into AAJ, things definitely felt like, a big rush. And big things would make me gasp or go ‘what?! no way..!’

But now I can say i’m used to things, and i’m not surprised by the tonnes of homework, by the long, seemingly never-ending class hours or by the number of kanji i have to memorize by tomorrow.. Yeah, not surprised anymore, just bored. and tired. Really tired. I don’t even feel like talking about how much work there is anymore, because that reminds me of the tonnes of homework i have (all still neatly arranged on my desk, unopened)

Being an AAJ student, i feel very lonely sometimes. Of course i have 117 other students going thru the same thing i’m going thru and senseis i can consult, but it still feels so lonely. I have to push myself, secure myself, think about myself, more than anything, make sure that i will be on that flight to Japan. Then after all that, think about other people. That’s how i feel so lonely sometimes. I mean, i don’t mind listening to problems or offering advice, but i feel a mess myself, so i don’t think that i can help you that much.

I told my mom about how tough it is here and got her worried. She suggested i go sign up for Asasi again with the spm 2008 students. She said she doesn’t want me to get stressed out. I was hoping for some encouragement or confidence from her, but instead i felt like she thinks i can’t handle it in AAJ. That makes me more sad than mad because sometimes its true … i do feel like letting go.

But …

I shouldn’t complain because …

I’m a scholar. I get a nice place to stay for free, cheap food, good drinks, nice books- all from Japan, a comfy place to study, a free ticket to study in Japan, interesting, nice, funny senseis.. and the best, surrounded by friends. Everyone is just so nice. I’m so glad there aren’t any conflicts going on among us and that we can click, that we are a batch. i’m talking only about the girls here. Compared to the guys, we’re the minority, so we look after each other and take care of that bond.

And i get to do things that used to be impossible for me. Like going for a class party, then bowling, then going to the arcade, all in one night. Going out shopping with friends used to be almost impossible for me too. Or eating sushi. But now i can go as long as someone will go with me. and that i have cash, of course.

So, things are really great in AAJ. When people aren’t stressed out or tired, classes can be really funny. And senseis never fail to amaze me. My maths sensei thinks sambal is red miso, lol… he also likes to count in Malay but hasn’t passed 1 to 10 yet… my physics sensei is just adorable and so nice and patient… my chemistry sensei is also very patient and funny sometimes too. All the language senseis are great too.

All that, i get all these wonderful things, and all i have to do is study! So i have to at least do that properly and not make their investment in me a waste.

Soubetsukai 2009

Ok, so this is a really really old story, something that happened 2 months ago, but i wanna talk about it anyway.

I was under ’special tasks bureau’. nothing special at all, really. we just had to design the magazine, make a cd and do dedications. I guess rather than calling us the ‘bureau that handles magazines, cds and dedications’, ’special tasks bureau’ is much easier, and time saving.

I didn’t understand why they chose me. I was just worried. I was never a prefect, or head student, or assistant anything, or even treasurer. So i was worried that my lack of experience and sometimes even common sense would ruin things. Plus i always asked myself, why i had to do these things for these seniors i don’t even know… Besides, there are only very few i actually like (They don’t act like seniors so its hard for me to feel like they are, ya know. Why do they have to be all moody all the time? Emitting all that bad energy…) I thought they were making a mistake choosing me.

When i found out i was working with Iku, well, i had a feeling we were not gonna get along well. And that turned out to be true sometimes. But there were other times, when i knew i couldn’t have done the job better with anyone else. Plus i’m glad i’m not afraid to talk to him anymore. OK, maybe i still am a little.

But the main thing is, the night was a success! a really nice night! An unforgettable experience! In the end, i’m glad they chose me and gave me this opportunity, hehe. Soubetsukai ended up being my most cherished moments in AAJ.

Wah! I’m so happy i finally got all that off my chest!! I love blogging.

happy happy holidays!

Eh?!! This blog is still alive? Hehe, ntah, suddenly felt like updating. It’s good to have a blog ya know, record all those happy/ sad/ weird experiences since it’s impossible to remember them all.

Home sweet home!! I missed my house so much!!

So much to do, so little time!! So much homework, so much revising that has to be done!! I… want… time!

But you know, i kinda like this busy atmosphere i’ve been in these past 6 months. I mean, it’s tough, having 3 quizzes everyday, 2 tests per week, not including the subjects (which my brain seems to take forever to absorb even when i concentrate during lecture), not getting enough sleep.

But i think i’m used to all of that. I mean, i should be, by now. And honestly, i love being an RPKJ student. Even when sensei says ‘best kan jadi pelajar rpkj?’ in a somehow sarcastic tone, like after giving us this mountain of homework, i’ll reply ‘ha’a, best sangat-sangat, sensei’ also in a somehow sarcastic tone, i honestly do mean it. I like having the gears in my brain always moving. Having a clear goal of what to do, where to go. Having things to do. I never want to go back to the state i was when i was waiting for spm results…

I’ve never been to boarding school, so i was worried about living in college, (really) far away from home, no mama’s cooking, no chatting online, no blogging, no TV, no CSI! and classes from morning to evening.. at first i thought there was no way i was gonna survive that. But now that i’m used to life in college, i like it here. I feel more independent than i was before and i like that feeling, making decisions on my own, thinking what’s good for me. I think what i really like is setting that schedule in my head. Well, there’s really not that much to set, most of my day is already set. And usually i don’t follow the schedule i set anyway. But anyway i like making those little decisions and making myself stick to em. And being confident that that decision i made was not affected by anyone except my own feeling, and i’ll face the consequences on my own later. Though when i go shopping my friends do affect my decisions, hehe.

And another thing about college … being surrounded by friends 24/7. Going out on weekends without parents or parents’ cash (and buying whatever i want), staying up late doing homework, just popping into other people’s room to do whatever you like, like lie on their bed or eat their food XD (makan bila di-offer laa) Maybe to some people all these things are nothing special, but i’ve never done any of these things before so i’m quite thankful that i finally know how it’s like. Ah, things like these are the hardest to describe.

Well, as for final-sem-exam, i screwed up maths real bad. And i remember senpai saying ‘…yang penting maths kena power, ah‘ No…! Huhuhu … But i used to really love maths why do i suck at it so much now… it’s so hard! Actually i know i just need a bit more practice and i’ll finally get to stick those darn formulas in my head. Well, whatever happens happens. I’m ready, cause it’s my own fault after all. I didn’t balance the subjects properly and paid more attention to physics (a lot more attention). And ended up only having a hold of about 20% of maths… ish3

Not looking forward to getting my final-sem-exam results but looking forward to starting sem 2! How’s it gonna be like? Studying maths, chem and physics in japanese. How much pressure will i experience, how exhausted will i feel? Really having no choice but to speak in japanese, hehe. Gotta sharpen my speaking skills. Gotta start speaking first, haih. Where can i find that confidence to speak… ?

at home

Dapat.. update… sungguh.. gembira…

Gila ah..!! SPM is really over! It’s really really over! Really really really over! Really! OK, i’m gonna stop doing that. I miss being annoying.
Lamanya tak online. Oh rindunya nak type these rants and membebel-bebel kat sini. But now i’m back! Not for long, though. My flight to KL is tomorrow morning. Which means i gotta update real quick now and then go pack.

Hm.. do i really wanna talk about SPM…? Ok, maybe just a little. I think BM was hard, sume yang orang target akan kluar tak kluar pun. Ish! Then English was ok.. i think. I did the question about ‘your most embarassing experience’ I wrote about the whole ‘fainting during marching’ incident. I hope my essay wasn’t too lame…
Sejarah.. ergh. Tak nak cakap. Math was kinda tricky. Harder than i thought it would be. Then add math was gila susah nak rasa cam terjun dalam perigi pergi nangis…. huhuhu!! Ok, lebih dah tu. I did definitely do my best. I managed to answer all the questions. Except the vectors question.. Yang tu blank sikit. Masa awal-awal pun blank. Tapi bila enjin dah panas.. ok ah.. kut. EST pun agak mencabar. Then physics and chemistry was… ntah. Buat je yang terbaik. Then bio pun.. ntah. Pendidikan Islam, ada yang ok, ada yang tak brape. And my writing was not … as good as i hoped it to be.

Now that that’s done… I’m free! No more homework or tests or exams or school uniforms. Hooray… yay.. Lepas ni boleh download anime and lepas tu nak beli CD burner… lepas tu nak tengok japanese dramas … nak tengok transformers (kesian, kan? movie tu dah basi baru kita dapat tengok) And then i’m gonna put all my school books into a big box and throw it into the sea! huahauaha! (na, just kidding. I’ll probably give them to my cousin) I can read all the novels and magazine and comics i want! Yaay!!

OK, now for the sad stuff. I am truly sad that after this i won’t get to see my classmates or my teachers (ey, ada tau cikgu yang best) for a long time. Sedih ah, i’m gonna miss you guys eventhough i never was really really close to you guys. But you guys are my friends and i appreciate you guys very much! Friends from 5B pun bila laa boleh jumpa lagi… I was just getting used to SMKP and i didn’t even mind staying back anymore (gasp! wha?!) betul, i sometimes liked staying at school since there was nothing for me at home. The computer? Takde rasa nak bukak, tak tahu apasal. Maybe because its super slow and suka stuck2 tiba-tiba. Orang fed up guna. Tapi sekarang ok la. Haih, there are a lot of things i am gonna really miss.
Huhuhu.. hey! SPM dah history patutnya gembira… tapi sekarang dah sedih pulak.

Tak sabarnye nak …. do everything i wanted to do before SPM!! 

Goodbye year 2006

good memories (or things that weren’t bad)

- First day of school. I remember listening to ‘Downfall’ by Trust company before going  to school. Then i had trouble with my laces.. But it was great meeting all my friends again.

- Being in 4A. I can’t remember how many times i laughed in this class XD.

- Seating. I love my seat in that class, eventhough it was at the back. Sitting behind haru and kioku, who are great, and they sit behind Reuben who makes really dumb jokes sometimes like when he says ‘wey’ three times and when you look at him, he goes ‘takde pa-pe’ ugh! i always fall for it! And sitting behind fadh for a while was great too, and azreen is also a nice person to sit with. I love it when we just talk, like that one time, out of the blue, he told me the plot of the bold and the beautiful XD man, that drama is so twisted. But i really miss his singing too. And when he repeats dialogs from mean girls.

- Exam. I remember when we were just about to start the exam and someone suddenly shouts ‘diamlah!!’ XD haha, he must’ve been really tense to shout like that.

- Then when Miss Tan read what was written on one of the tables at the back. What was written was just plain mean. But i couldn’t help lol-ing when Miss Tan started comparing handwritings of certain students and then Adib said her previous job was as a CSI XDD.

- Tuition. I love it how fun tuition is sometimes. When the teacher tells jokes and stories. And that great feeling i get when i understand something i didn’t before and i still understand it until today.

- Majlis anugerah cemerlang. It’s nice to meet Fadh, and everyone else who moved somewhere else. And of course, to get an anugerah XD.
-
Selling stuff for YE. A lot of fun!! I remember Sofi calling people to buy stuff and when people refuse and leave, she says ‘bitch!’ XDD then before we went home, I sang a high note for kioku.

- Going to pyramid with Azreen, kioku and haru. We watched a movie and then went to Pizza hut and Azreen ordered a large stuffed crust super supreme. Eating together like that was fun. Then i got nice presents! Roxy bag from Azreen and pretty Roxy shirt from kioku and haru. And i also bought myself a bag. Then the picture booth was also lots of fun XD I just got the giggles when i stepped into the thing. Couldn’t stop laughing and giggling XDD

-Anime - death note - So cool and awesome!
            - yakitate!! japan - huhuhu, it’s over. I’m gonna miss this anime a lot.
            - paradise kiss - just watched for fun. Not exactly my type XD. But i guess the plot isn’t so bad.
            - Honey and clover - Also just watching for fun. I like Morita-san. I wish the subs were in english, though. 
            - The law of ueki - Again, very bored and watched for fun. It gets seriously lame sometimes.. But i guess i like finding out the powers of new characters.

- Ok, now for good memories that happened after i moved to Sabah. I got 1st place in class for the first time in my life. Yeah, the highest  i ever got was 2nd place in 2nd grade. But when i got to Sabah, i decided i want to make myself happy by getting good grades. Then i got 1st place again in the final exam. But my sis said i shouldn’t be so lay-back because I’m not the best among the best. My sis said this school isn’t for over-achievers like SMK USJ 13. That’s what she says, ok.

- New school, new friends. They are nice eventhough some of them think I’m weird, some are quite friendly. And i learned not to ignore anyone and just be nice. Not do things that would make them dislike me or try too hard and do anything that would make them like me.

- New house, new room! I love my new room, eventhough it’s quite plain.

- Happy birthday to me! I’m happy to still be alive XD. Thanks to my mum for giving me french fries XD and thanks to my dad, who got me a clock for my room.

- Selamat hari raya! Wah, bestnya dapat duit raya XD. Ka-ching! and of course, it’s nice to meet my cousins and all.

- Last day of school. Goodbye SMKP Likas! I will not miss you during the holidays! At all!

-Go go-kart driving with sis and dad on Saturdays and Sundays. I love go-kart driving! It’s just so fun, and i think I’m addicted XD.

- Holiday in Sarawak with family. Crown plaza is a very nice hotel. And also did a little bit of shopping with my mum and sis.

- Went to Tambunan with family. Fed lots of big hungry fishes. And rode the pedal-bot and went kayaking with my sis. Absolute fun XD.

- Trip to Kudat with family. Kudat is also known as the tip of borneo. The view there is super awesome. The beaches are so clean because it’s quite hard to get there, with bumpy roads and all. But Kudat is definitely the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen.

Bad Memories

- First day of school. The class was so crowded. Why do i have to go look for extra tables?! Ugh..! My new tudung got all dirty ; _ ;. Hey! I got that seat first!! No..! I don’t wanna sit at the back… huhuhu, it’s so freaking hot!! I can’t hear what the teacher is saying! Would everyone just shut up already?!! What’d ya mean Mr. Annantha is gonna teach us physics?! Thank god that didn’t happen. But kioku, fadh, haru and i did have to sit at the back. And the class was so stuffy and noisy. I had to shout to hear my own voice.

- Being in 4A. This class is definitely noisy. And not the best environment for learning. And after i heard a lot of people actually cheated during exam, i felt a little glad i’m not in that class anymore. Because i hate it when people cheat.. it just bugs me a lot. Nothing personal.

- Seating. Sitting close to those three boys at the back wasn’t very good. Sometimes they talk about really icky stuff or say bad words or bad jokes. Sometimes I don’t hear them, but sometimes their voices are too loud to ignore. And i can’t help myself from laughing at their jokes eventhough i know it’s bad.

- I think i remember a bit when Puan Robiah asked us to pick up dried leaves as a punishment because 4A was the dirtiest class. And she, and most of the teachers seem to really dislike 4A.

- House got broken into. they took my phone!! And my purse!! Which had sentimental value and was full of money.. ; _ ; The house never felt the same again. 

- Moved to Sabah. Goodbye house, goodbye cat and newborn kittens, goodbye tuition, goodbye KL and malls, goodbye taekwondo, goodbye school. I always had complaints about you, but i will definitely miss you. 

- New school. First week, horrible. I’m a total stranger. And what’s with all these tests?! I just got her and now i gotta study?! They’re at chapter 8?!! But I’m only at chapter 4… huhuhu. And making new friends wasn’t as easy as i thought. Plus i don’t laugh much here. I get to really laugh out loud when my sis is around.
 
- 49th Merdeka celebration. It was simply boring! There weren’t any nice shows or anything because all of em got banned. I thought i was gonna puke of boredom. And they won’t even let me read when I’m bored. That’s 2 hours of my time wasted doing something i hate.

- From a conv with Saiful, i realized I’m not professional, too dependent, shy at all the wrong places, lack social skills, can’t work with other people, in the champions league (whatever that is), do things and regret, then not doing things and regret, blind, not approachable. Hell yeah, it hurts to find out all of that at once, but i can’t do anything bout it but change. So i will!

- Just some family stuff

Currently listening to - Only the best songs I’ve ever heard!! Evah XDD. Who saves the world by Drum:Kan, a non-mainstream japanese band. And Acropolis by Ellegarden. Thanks to Haru for the songs!!
Mood - Er.. sleepy.    

haha, an update since… when ?! ^_^”

OK, so i’m living in Sabah now. Some parts are pretty bad to me.. but sometimes it’s not too bad. It’s nice to see all the trees… forests… green scenery… which is quite pretty. Well, i’m not gonna talk about that much, since i usually end up comparing sabah to usj.. which is not good.

I think i’ve changed a bit since i moved here. Being out of my comfortable circle is sooo extremely difficult. The feeling like you’re alone and you don’t fit in very well seems to hang over forever. And then that feeling like your old friends might have forgotten you hurts too. My parents say stuff like ‘You’re doing way better here’ or  ‘Why are you still sad? You have a house, you go to the best school in sabah, you have the comp…’ which is supposed to make me feel better, but it doesn’t. I just hate this big change soo much. I get all emo and moody and cranky .. which isn’t me. I’m used to being all happy and laughing at all the silly things that happen in class… ugh, you see? in the end, everything just goes back to the same thing, i’m not happy because the things that used to make me happy aren’t so easy to get anymore.

Oh, right! talking bout how i’ve changed. Well, i’m pretty sure i’m still the same old me inside and i think i can behave perfectly fine when i meet all my close friends again (someday) I kind of bury my old me deep in me most of the time. Sometimes i show it, by saying some evil stuff and being sarcastic once in a while XD and i’m glad my friends here are not against it, and sometimes even understands it. But I don’t wanna show everything about me to my friends here. Here i’m the..sometimes quiet, sometimes says quite a lot, and will say hi/ smile at you when she sees you girl. That’s all.

Which reminds me though, how come i’ve never done that at my old school? Smiling and saying hi isn’t so hard. It’s nice to notice them and have them notice you back. Well, i can’t do anything about that now. I had lots of chances but i blew em all.  Why was i so afraid to make eye contact with anyone, and worrying about saying ‘hi’? I’m also afraid to say anything to anyone besides my close friends too. I seem to worry about so many stupid things XD Well, that’s about to change! But, I am really sorry to anyone who knew me, but got the cold shoulder from me because i was such an idiotic shy girl XD… I don’t know why i can’t be as friendly in person as i am in front of the comp.

Well, holidays are quite boring. Parents working.. big sis locking herself in her room doing her own homework… nothing good on TV… feeling sick and unhealthy from all the junk food.

But today was great!! We went to Tambunan and did so many things there! like feeding big fish (really big fish) in ponds, riding boats, my first time kayaking XD.. And riding that boat where you have to pedal to move. I rode that with my sis and she was the captain because she was so good at steering and whenever i tried we only went around in circles XD. So all i did was say ‘full speed ahead!!’ and pedaled like crazy. But stopped a lot and said ‘You have the worst ship crew in the whole world, captain’ My sis was funny too XD Haha, i haven’t laughed so hard in a while. I love it when my sis is around. Kayaking was fun too. Of course, my sis did most of the rowing XD my arms just couldn’t row too hard. Agh, so weak -_-" But it isn’t as easy as it looks. But it was still fun.

Wah, pretty long post XD hehe. Well, i don’t think i will be updating much after this. i have LiveJournal and i write there. But i am planning something for the end of this month, though. XD wait and see ~ !

mood - i don’t know. hollow?
currently listening to - mousukoshi, mousukoshi which is an ending song of midori no Hibi. It’s quite nice.